Thank you Miss Universe

A tale of pure selfishness and pleasure seekin

Miss Universe came to the Teena’s on one of our “outins” to Boone to see the Universal Mother. When we arrived, the usually subdued little college town was all abuzz with what seemed like a zillion perky, “look at my midriff” younguns arriving for freshmen orientation. So needless to say, all thirty-seven parkin places “down-town” were taken. Now you have to understand that we had to stop and get a quick martini prior to visitin the Universal Mother because she does not allow for imbibing at her sanctuary and house-o-healin. Eatin, yes, there is always plenty of chickin and dumplins, white gravey, sausage, pound cake, fresh veggies from the Farmer’s Market and apples…apples…and more of the best fried apples that ever lived to be sliced. But no..and I mean no “bean-dust” is to be brought into her sanctuary. Now if there is one person that a Teena bows down and gives glory, it is “The Universal Mother.” However, that doesn’t mean that we don’t have one for “the honor” prior to our arrival. But on this day of freshman and wo’out parents…our waterin’ holes and parkin places were few and far between.

So OrahLee, youngest daughter of the Universal Mother, said, “Well, you know I will just ask “Miss Universe” to be gracious and kind and open a parkin place right up in front, and I ask that there be top-shelf liquor and an experience bartender and the freshest juice available to make me one kick-ass Cosmo.” And she said it so matter-o-fact that, VeraLee and I just gasped. I mean it’s just not somethin one asked of Miss Universe. You might ask for pointy-toed high-heel boots, or one of those big-faced diamond encrusted watches, but that OrahLee would ask Miss Universe for somethin so, so, self-indulgent was almost sacrilege. We were pretty sure we would never find shoes that fit again after that little piece of bidin.

But you know, OrahLee and Miss Universe are rather close, given the crown and scepter thing and all, and sure enough, in the time it took for us to exhale a big ole Lincoln with Florida plates just pulled right out…leavin us plenty of room to pull right in, didn’t even have to go through the motions of a parallel park. We were indeed, blessed. So while we judged what we could ask Miss Universe, it seems she didn't judge us. So in unison, we gave a queenly wave and said, "Thank you Miss Universe!” We always have and we always will.