After the "Danice" incident, the Two-Bit Teenas were born. It is an amazing group of women and whenever they are together it is a memorable event. These days, life seems more complicated so it is harder to get them all in one room but whenever it happens something hilarious will result. One of our more memorable adventures was a trip to the Eastern Shore for the Garden Week tour. Needless to say we visited many a gorgeous home....of course....each with a Teena Twist. Sometime during that day it was decided that each Teena would write a summary of events. This is mine….
Friday evening, April 27, 2007
7:50 pm TeenaMobile speeds through toll booth. Bay-Bridge police alerted.
8:15 pm Teenas arrive at StingRays. Wait staff encourages us to drink.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
7:30 am During the night, the Two Bit Teenas had turned into the CRIPS
New gang motto “My way or the Ho way.”
8:30 am Breakfast of ‘taters and timber baloney.
9:15 am VeraLee puts on those old “cheapo” pants.
9:16 am Lurlene takes nap. Already too drunk to drive.
9:45 am Leave Cape Charles in Teena Mobile. Not arrested.
10:00 am Arrive at Eyre Hall.
10:15 am Bee learns that a “dependency” does not necessarily involve incontinence. A game of “I spy a dependency” begins.
10:45 am Arrive at Oak Hall in Eastville.
11:00 am Learn that an Oak is a tree.
11:15 am See a pod of deer. Call Butch.
11:30 am Take Holly to the home of a rich man with a big boat.
11:45 am We are crushed to learn that we are no longer qualified to be “trophy wives”.
11:46 am Decide we need mass quantities of alcohol.
11:55 am See a bi-plane with no apparent means of propulsion.
12:00 noon Bee consults with wocket scientists on Wallops Island
(home of the rare wed-winged wack wird).
Learns a new energy source…an engine….has been discovered.
12:15 pm Turned away from Eastville Inn. Something about a sympathetic addition.
12:16 pm Shop
1:00 pm Stop to bless Minister Horses….in the name of the father, son and the holy colt.
1:01 pm Horses reply,“Neigh thou you walk with a limp and a crick, a rod and a staff shall comfort you.”
1:02 pm Lushious requests cotton candy in Onancock or as she pronounces it "On-a-cock".
1:10 pm Arrive at yet another jewel encrusted historic home.
1:15 pm Bee charms senior gentlemen. They escort her to a reserved parking space.
1:20 pm Walk down shell driveway. Bee marvels at the way the crushed shells bring out the smell of the ocean.
1:22 pm Lushious assures frightened onlookers that this is just a supervised outing. Her report will reflect the need for more medication.
2:00 pm Sit down to lunch on a porch overlooking a mud flat.
2:05 pm Bottle of wine empty.
2:30 pm Lushious breaks restaurant bathroom.
3:00 pm Arrive at Wachapreague or as Lushious pronounces it "Watch-a-prick".
3:30 pm Arrive at Blue Crow
3:45 pm Holly breaks bathroom.
4:30 pm Return to Cape Charles.
4:31 pm Collapse.
Future Teena Tours:
Lushious would like to visit Onley/On-a-cock in Hack-a-Mac near Ass-a-woman. With a stop at Dave’s Pet Peeves.
Better Hard-n-up.
“I pity d’fool that tours with the Teenas.”
Friday evening, April 27, 2007
7:50 pm TeenaMobile speeds through toll booth. Bay-Bridge police alerted.
8:15 pm Teenas arrive at StingRays. Wait staff encourages us to drink.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
7:30 am During the night, the Two Bit Teenas had turned into the CRIPS
New gang motto “My way or the Ho way.”
8:30 am Breakfast of ‘taters and timber baloney.
9:15 am VeraLee puts on those old “cheapo” pants.
9:16 am Lurlene takes nap. Already too drunk to drive.
9:45 am Leave Cape Charles in Teena Mobile. Not arrested.
10:00 am Arrive at Eyre Hall.
10:15 am Bee learns that a “dependency” does not necessarily involve incontinence. A game of “I spy a dependency” begins.
10:45 am Arrive at Oak Hall in Eastville.
11:00 am Learn that an Oak is a tree.
11:15 am See a pod of deer. Call Butch.
11:30 am Take Holly to the home of a rich man with a big boat.
11:45 am We are crushed to learn that we are no longer qualified to be “trophy wives”.
11:46 am Decide we need mass quantities of alcohol.
11:55 am See a bi-plane with no apparent means of propulsion.
12:00 noon Bee consults with wocket scientists on Wallops Island
(home of the rare wed-winged wack wird).
Learns a new energy source…an engine….has been discovered.
12:15 pm Turned away from Eastville Inn. Something about a sympathetic addition.
12:16 pm Shop
1:00 pm Stop to bless Minister Horses….in the name of the father, son and the holy colt.
1:01 pm Horses reply,“Neigh thou you walk with a limp and a crick, a rod and a staff shall comfort you.”
1:02 pm Lushious requests cotton candy in Onancock or as she pronounces it "On-a-cock".
1:10 pm Arrive at yet another jewel encrusted historic home.
1:15 pm Bee charms senior gentlemen. They escort her to a reserved parking space.
1:20 pm Walk down shell driveway. Bee marvels at the way the crushed shells bring out the smell of the ocean.
1:22 pm Lushious assures frightened onlookers that this is just a supervised outing. Her report will reflect the need for more medication.
2:00 pm Sit down to lunch on a porch overlooking a mud flat.
2:05 pm Bottle of wine empty.
2:30 pm Lushious breaks restaurant bathroom.
3:00 pm Arrive at Wachapreague or as Lushious pronounces it "Watch-a-prick".
3:30 pm Arrive at Blue Crow
3:45 pm Holly breaks bathroom.
4:30 pm Return to Cape Charles.
4:31 pm Collapse.
Future Teena Tours:
Lushious would like to visit Onley/On-a-cock in Hack-a-Mac near Ass-a-woman. With a stop at Dave’s Pet Peeves.
Better Hard-n-up.
“I pity d’fool that tours with the Teenas.”
Everytime I think of this trip...I jus wet myself! I napped cause I had been on my 4 inch stilettoes for 8 hours hostin a bonafied educational event...Bubba gave me a pill that would knock the pain out...given I only weighed 130 and he...200+ I would say I was overmedicated...briefly. Lurlene never naps she simply nods out briefly.
ReplyDeleteAdd nod she did, but she rose to the occasion and steered the Teena Mobile in all the right directions! Oh the harmony ( or at least the effort of harmony), laughter and sisterhood!
ReplyDelete