Thursday, January 28, 2010

Is your Mojo workin?


VeraLee and I don’t “wish” for a parkin spot or, “hope” we find a four-ply cashmere sweater while junkin, we expect our pure intention assisted by Miss Universe is enough to get the job done. It’s our Mojo. We discussed this the other day while on a Two-Bit Teena Second-hand tour.

We figure our job is to actively look and listen, cause Miss Universe never fails. There are days she is slower to answer than others, but we figure that’s an answer too, and then there are days when we laugh cause she reminds us to “be careful what you set your intentions on cause you may not know where to put it if you got it.”

Bein’ a Mojonista means bein careful…and slow to anger, nobody want’s to be responsible for spewin bad Mojonese in a moment of “unfitness.”
I don’t like the word “lucky” mostly cause of the undertoad which is ”Unlucky”. Veralee and I think that basically you have to take an an active part in makin your own fortune.

Now I realize I have spoken for her here, but she is in a reflective state this week and is livin in her head, not commitin to paper or action. She’s washin out some bad mojo I fear, but promises to come back stronger and wiser next week.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

At Home With Lurlene: Not Retired, jus Re-purposed


So on January 1, 2010 when I decided to “re-purpose” my life, I had this plan that I would indeed cook all the recipes I pulled out of the paper and at least once a week I would engage in something “inspiring” like writing on Just Mustard, gittin back to my Bite-me-Maps, or mastering a new craft. Well, the month is near closin and to be honest;my work table is still an unclean space, my utility room is unmanageable, and jus yesterday, I washed a pair of black jeans along with all of Bucks underwear. Grey is now, the new white. (Buck said it didn’t matter that nobody saw our underwear anyway.)

It’s taken much longer than I ever imagined to get in the rhythm of this new life. I love it when 5:00 o’clock rolls around because I know what to do: open a bottle of Cooks, slice apples and cheese, light the fire and sit back. Five is easy, what do people do with those other hours of the day?

Now, in all honesty, I have accomplished a few things. I made a resolution that if I ripped a recipe out of the paper, I had to cook it! My first was Habitant Pea Soup (it’s a French Canadian fav.) I must say, it was tasty, so for your pleasure, the recipe is at the bottom. But, what I learned was that I enjoy the hunt more so than the actual process. I mean I had an actual “list of things to purchase” before I could begin. A "to purchase" list is the equivalent of a "To-Do" List don't you think? Anyway, I actually dressed to go to the store and find fancy yellow split peas and “Turkish bay leaves.” I enjoyed perusing the “uppity” food stores, grazin the isles looking like an “Ingredient Queen” all the while knowin that most of my spices come from the dollar rack at CVS, but the folks at Penzeys didn’t know that.

I jus had to smile yesterday about lunch time, cause I had five gadgets workin at the same time, I had my BBQ cookin in the crock pot, was puree’n my butternut squash soup in the blender, choppin with the Cuisinart and doin’ a little julienne thing on the mandolin. While all this was goin’ on, all I wanted was a Smart-One (3 points) sitting cool and plenty in my freezer. I thought to myself, “Why in God’s name am I makin all this mess when I can have butternut ravioli in about 3 minutes in the microwave?”

The repurposed life is filled with mystery (and avoidance), speaking of which I’m headed over to MeMe’s, Diet Pepsi in hand, to see her new blond highlights. If you feel inclined, here’s the Yellow Pea soup with the fancy name.

Habitant Pea Soup (Both a geography and a social study lesson)
Habitant refers to people who live in rural Quebec
Ingredients
2 cups dried yellow peas
2 quarts chicken broth
2 onions, chopped
2 stalks celery, chopped
1 carrot, chopped
1- 12 oz ham hock ( I went right to Food Lion for this cause all my ham was gone and by the way, who weighs a ham hock?)
1-2 bay leaves (These from Pinzies, Turkish, you know)
salt and pepper (fresh ground)
1 pinch thyme (my own…better than Pinzies)
¼ cup crème fraiche
Directions
Place peas in a soup pot, cover with the cold water and soak overnight. Next morning add the chopped vegetables, ham bone and bay leaf. Bring to a boil, then lower heat, cover and simmer gently for 3 to 4 hours. Stir mixture occasionally and add a little boiling water to keep soup at the right consistency. Remove the ham bone and the fancy bay leaves and add the rest of the seasonings (amount of salt will depend on the saltiness of ham bone) Take out about three quarters of the soup, let cool and then puree in the blender. (If you don’t let it cool, it will explode when you hit “whirrrrrr” and it’s not pretty, trust me) Return the smooth soup to the pot and reheat. Then jus dollop crème fraiche (or good ole american sour cream if you want to be non-Canadian and non French)
It was really good, even Bucky ate it and he doesn’t usually do yellow or split pea.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

A READING WITH Lurlene


Greetings Dear Ones
i am often asked if i take on clients, do readings for folks, or will conjure for people.
The answer is that i do readings – i read swirls and twig patterns, candy wrappers and random acts of kindness, (scanning them for manipulation). i also read random thoughts and brush off “curse words” that might have befallen you for any reason, known or unknown. (See Entry: 9-10-09) If things are just not goin right, well, ask me why and i’ll tell you what the “Light” ones want you to know about that, the rest is up to you.

All of my readings, whether by phone, blog, or in-person, are conducted within the sanctuary of the House of Lurlene Chamber of Green or in my Healin Hut located in beautiful Buckinham County on the James. I have been known to offer a spontaneous readin if the “Captain” puts “knowin’ in my heart.”

Because I tithe: 10% of all fees go back to do, “The Work” as Two-Bit-Teena’s always give back. Do not be surprised if there is a bit of a wait. The Lord is teachin’ me patience and (s)he may be doin’ this through you. Jus send me your question and I will put it up.
Disclaimer: Teena Lurlene is not responsible for your bad Karma or your repetitious mistakes. If she told you once, that’s it. You are the only one who can make the changes, she is a vessel not a magician, so if you make the same mistake twice, “Shame is on you.” Oh, and if you hear the “Still small voice….trust it, because Lurlene is usually loud.

The Word According to Lurlene 1:1:10


As told by VeraLee in an E-mail
AKA: Forced Family Fun

And on the first day of the year it was decreed that inhabitants of the Friendly Village would demonstrate his or her commitment to the community by planning one event. (It's kinda like pay'n dues) The word came down from Lurlene that said event can be anything as long as all members of the Village are invited. Parties, dinners, movies, bowling, adventures, restaurants, galas, vacations, Glee Clubs, big game hunting, coffees, mud wrestling, video conferencing, shopping experiences, skydiving....it appears the sky is the limit....although there was some mention of a space shuttle launch.
As Lurlene passed the "Bird with the Big Mouth" (Thought to be a fish by LaNeese) All those present drew a slip of paper with their "Month". One exchange was granted...incase you got your birthday month which is a drag. Those not present were left to the fates of Lady Luck. (So in the future, don't miss New Year's Dinner at Bucky and Lurlene's)
Here is the luck of the draw incase you forget.
February: The Month of the Ground Hog: Bubba
March: The Month of the Irish finds Barry Patrick Kennedy Corey in the hot seat
April: The month of wedded Bliss is in the hands of Lurlene and Bucky
May: Missy Link charms you in May
June: Sunshine Month arranged by La
July: Star Spangled Month by Dennis
August: Summmmmmmer Tiiiimmmmmmme and Livin Easy Month: Jude
September: See you in September by Paul
October: Leaves of Gold is being presented by VeraLee
November: Thankful to be Last....by Bucky
December is considered a free-for-all. Hopefully there will be events planned by someone for each of the Sundays of Advent....especially Shrimp Sunday.

Please note that Villagers are NOT limited to only one event or only one month.
So let it be written. So let it be done.
Word recorded by VeraLee and posted by Lurlene

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Garden Week or the Agony and the Ecstasy of No Longer Being Trophy Wife Material


After the "Danice" incident, the Two-Bit Teenas were born. It is an amazing group of women and whenever they are together it is a memorable event. These days, life seems more complicated so it is harder to get them all in one room but whenever it happens something hilarious will result. One of our more memorable adventures was a trip to the Eastern Shore for the Garden Week tour. Needless to say we visited many a gorgeous home....of course....each with a Teena Twist. Sometime during that day it was decided that each Teena would write a summary of events. This is mine….

Friday evening, April 27, 2007
7:50 pm TeenaMobile speeds through toll booth. Bay-Bridge police alerted.
8:15 pm Teenas arrive at StingRays. Wait staff encourages us to drink.

Saturday, April 28, 2007
7:30 am During the night, the Two Bit Teenas had turned into the CRIPS
New gang motto “My way or the Ho way.”

8:30 am Breakfast of ‘taters and timber baloney.
9:15 am VeraLee puts on those old “cheapo” pants.
9:16 am Lurlene takes nap. Already too drunk to drive.
9:45 am Leave Cape Charles in Teena Mobile. Not arrested.
10:00 am Arrive at Eyre Hall.
10:15 am Bee learns that a “dependency” does not necessarily involve incontinence. A game of “I spy a dependency” begins.

10:45 am Arrive at Oak Hall in Eastville.
11:00 am Learn that an Oak is a tree.
11:15 am See a pod of deer. Call Butch.
11:30 am Take Holly to the home of a rich man with a big boat.
11:45 am We are crushed to learn that we are no longer qualified to be “trophy wives”.
11:46 am Decide we need mass quantities of alcohol.
11:55 am See a bi-plane with no apparent means of propulsion.
12:00 noon Bee consults with wocket scientists on Wallops Island
(home of the rare wed-winged wack wird).
Learns a new energy source…an engine….has been discovered.

12:15 pm Turned away from Eastville Inn. Something about a sympathetic addition.
12:16 pm Shop
1:00 pm Stop to bless Minister Horses….in the name of the father, son and the holy colt.
1:01 pm Horses reply,“Neigh thou you walk with a limp and a crick, a rod and a staff shall comfort you.”

1:02 pm Lushious requests cotton candy in Onancock or as she pronounces it "On-a-cock".
1:10 pm Arrive at yet another jewel encrusted historic home.
1:15 pm Bee charms senior gentlemen. They escort her to a reserved parking space.
1:20 pm Walk down shell driveway. Bee marvels at the way the crushed shells bring out the smell of the ocean.

1:22 pm Lushious assures frightened onlookers that this is just a supervised outing. Her report will reflect the need for more medication.

2:00 pm Sit down to lunch on a porch overlooking a mud flat.
2:05 pm Bottle of wine empty.
2:30 pm Lushious breaks restaurant bathroom.
3:00 pm Arrive at Wachapreague or as Lushious pronounces it "Watch-a-prick".
3:30 pm Arrive at Blue Crow
3:45 pm Holly breaks bathroom.
4:30 pm Return to Cape Charles.
4:31 pm Collapse.


Future Teena Tours:
Lushious would like to visit Onley/On-a-cock in Hack-a-Mac near Ass-a-woman. With a stop at Dave’s Pet Peeves.
Better Hard-n-up.

“I pity d’fool that tours with the Teenas.”

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Daince?


You know I don't need words..."yo hair smells gooood," says it all.
I happened to have my sketch pad on hand and worked this little ditty out while Coral Lee was wigglin her way out of the "hold."

Two Bit Teena and the Wild Clematis




As 2009 draws to a close, I thought it was time for a bit of reflection. Long, long ago there was no Lurlene and Vera Lee....there was only Jayne and Coralee. They were two friends who loved an adventure....although Jayne was always more game for a throw down.

So...with that in mind....here is the tale of how one story began....on a day in June, long ago....two friends in a Volvo 240 heading down the road to Cape Charles.


Two Bit Teena and the Wild Clematis

Chapter One: Hand brake. Heart break.
Her husband tried to keep her at home in a most ingenious manner. But luckily Jayne was known for her strong right arm. It was rumored that she could snap a man’s neck with her thighs….and off they went

Chapter Two: Jumbo, would you like fires with that?
Sign of the cross…Coralee crossed herself while on the clover leaf as the wicked Walmart was on the right….all in the pursuit of BBQ. It’s okay if you don’t go back the same way you came.

Chapter Three: Coming Home to Jesus
My keys won’t work, my cart won’t start. How the hell did I leave this house without Cooks in the frig? For God sake put Jesus in the icebox.
Thank goodness Jayne never leaves without the Captain by her side. Just put an ice cube in Jesus and let’s head to the beach.
My God….don’t you have a pilsner?

Chapter Four: Five Dollar Steak Night with Two Bit Tina and the Ageing Elvis
Two bit and her Back up Boys, Elvis-Orbison, had a hot set that featured all their favorites. There was Stevie, Dave, that girl Shayna (an Indian name you know) but what got us to our feet was the unheard of possibility of sitting out the last dance. So when Coralee turned to Jayne and said “Let’s do it”….up they popped like corks from a bottle of Cooks and shook with the locals while mosquitoes buzzed above and the smell of the fry baby wafted over head.

Chapter Five: Danz….Danse…Let’s Daince or Does My Ass Look Big or Is There a Picnic Table Stuck Up My Butt?
They must have given off the sweet scent of ladies on the lose cause Bubba and Tavi moved in with the old divide and conquer. The second set hadn’t started but the box was loaded with slow grinders…locals paired up and danced cheek to cheek. Soon Bubba asked Jayne…the age old question. “Daince?” “Okay,” she said without a second glance at Coralee. Soon Coralee found herself in the arms of Tavi Man who said “Yo hair smell good.” Yes indeed her hair smelled of fresh fried potatoes.
Coralee found herself without words, without breath and without memory—she felt the picnic table pull ever so tighter and she wondered if the song would ever end.

Chapter Six: Let’s Go, Let’s Go NOW!